Friday, September 25, 2009

A Down Day

These are the mommy days that I hate. Sometimes I feel very, very lonely because I don't know anyone who is going through exactly what I am. Obviously it is wishful thinking (and would be kind of creepy) to have someone in the exact same circumstances to commiserate with.

Everything is fine, we're all healthy and ok, but sometimes I think maybe I am not cut out for being a mom like I thought I was. The feelings of self-doubt just seap through, and I feel very much "less than". I adore my son, and am thankful for him every day, but this toddler transition is not going as easily for me as I thought it would.

I look at other moms and their kids seem calmer. I vocalize this and then feel like a bad mom when the other moms say "I don't think he's as bad as you're making him out to be." This breaks my heart. I would never say my son is bad. He is an amazing kid. Smart, cute, sweet, has a wicked sense of humor already. But he is also a little mischievous already, and he courts danger like the stereotypical little boy. It doesn't mean I think he's bad, it's just I wasn't ready for this much toddler this soon.

Maybe it's only because I have a low patience level (which is true), or maybe I had a misconception of how fast they become little wild animals. All I know is between his climbing, emptying the trash, trying to run out the front and back doors as soon as they're open, trying to get into the toilet, taking off electric socket plates, getting stuck behind the loveseat, pulling up the cable from under the rug, hiding in cabinets, playing peekaboo with the curtains, opening up childproof caps, and calling 911, I hug him and kiss him as much as possible because I love him so terribly much and because I feel so darn alone that Kids A and B aren't trying to eat the rug pad while mine is blissfully chomping away.

Sorry to be a downer, but does anybody else feel this way ever or is it just me?


  1. I just stumbled upon your blog (searching for new ways to cover diaper boxes). I stuck around to read your other posts and this one is so true. I have days like this sometimes also. Hang in there - you're not alone :) Very cute blog and a cutie pie toddler!

  2. This is totally me! I go back and forth on whether or not we should have a second child because of it. I love my little guy so much. Nothing beats his kisses, but I'm not sure one way or the other that I am cut out for mommyhood.